Hair Dryers and Water: They Don't Mix

Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on all the things we’re thankful for. There are many for me. But the most recent addition is that silly little picture they put on hairdryers to warn people not to use them near water.

This morning I had to soak my feet in warm water for 30 minutes. (Due to a very sore/black toenail I received during our last backpacking trip.) Standing still for half an hour is a challenge for someone who struggles just to have a sit-down-dinner. So I decided to soak my feet in a huge bucket while I stood at my bathroom sink eating breakfast and getting ready for work.

This worked fine until I pulled out the hair dryer and plugged it in. Before I could hit the switch, an image of a stick figure standing in a tub of water, shaking violently and holding a hairdryer to her head flashed through my mind. She had frazzeled hair that stood out in all directions and was waving one arm in distress.

I’ve always wondered who comes up with these morbid images and puts them on appliances. And what crazed person would dry their hair while standing in a tub of water anyway? Now I know. Never again.

Cloudy with a Chance of Lizards

Yesterday on the way home from church, a lizard fell out of the sky and crashed into my windshield. At first I thought the impact had killed him. But one stoplight later, the 6-inch Godzilla resurrected. Positioning his buggy eyes inches away from my own face, he dug his claws in and glared at me in a bitter yet pleading manner. Apparently he knew that the brutal “execution by windshield wipers” lie at tip of my fingers.

I was more pleased with the situation than he was. It’s hard to maneuver through 4 lanes of city traffic with an angry lizard directly in your line of site. After a few miles of this stare off, Godzilla decided to take matters into his own hands. He tried to leap off the car, but due to the speed of traffic, each leap just resulted into another traumatizing crash back into the windshield. He would leap, I would yelp. He would leap, I would yelp. Meanwhile Nate documented the process on his flip phone.

Finally, our friend made a successful jump over the top of the car and went flying towards the pick-up truck behind us. I don’t know if he lived or not, but the photo is all we have left of his memory.

Google flaws

To practice our language learning, Nate sent me a love note in Thai. When I copied it into Google translator, here's what I got:

"You are a lover of my best friends. I cannot wait to share. Your wife is good too."

Hmmm...I wonder what other language mishaps we're going to have.

No Such Thing as Free Lunch?

As promised, Nate and I dressed up like cows on Friday and showed up at the steps of Chick-fil-A in hopes of getting 2 free combo meals.

Getting a cow outfit was no problem. The restaurant offered a free printable costume on their website, complete with a cow face, 2 ears, 1 nose, 8 spots and a very long tail.

Getting people to accept the idea of dressing like a human cow was a little more challenging. As we walked up to the restaurant, two middle-aged ladies pulled up in their Porsche, rolled down the windows, and pointed our direction in a fit of hysteria. It appeared that they were trying to say something, but unable to gain their composure, they spat a crackling laugh in our direction and sped away.

Our reception inside the restaurant was not much better. Our saving grace was having two cow-dressed coworkers join us halfway through our meal. The four of us stuck out so much that the restaurant manager asked to take our picture. It wasn’t until AFTER he took it that he informed us he planned to print it out and hang it on the wall for everyone else to see.

The free food was nice, but here’s the part of the evening that truly baffled me…After getting our free meal, we went to the mall where there happened to be ANOTHER Chick-fil-A offering the same deal. Wanting to share our wealth with others, the four of us (still partially dressed like cows) began telling other people at the mall about the deal. We held up our bags of left-over Chick-fil-A food and ensured them that if they just took our cow ears/spots and wore them over to Chick-fil-A (just 100 yards across the food court,) they could get a free sandwich, fries, and milkshake just like we had.

No one accepted the deal.

One guy said he was hungry and loved Chick-fil-A but wouldn’t stoop to the level of being seen in public wearing cow ears. Two other teenage girls looked skeptical of whether or not we were playing a prank on them. They took our outfits, but we watched them stand at a cautious distance from Chick-fil-A and eventually toss the costumes in the trash.

I couldn’t help but to think of how much this parallels the way so many of us reject God’s grace. God offers to forgive us for all the rotten things we’ve done. All we have to do is humble ourselves and accept the love and grace he’s offering. Sure, this is going to make us act and look different, but there’s nothing we have to do (or CAN do) to get his grace. But instead of accepting it, we let our pride get in the way and we try to “buy” our way into his mercy. We’re scared people might laugh at us if we act differently than the norm. Or we think his promise of free grace can’t really be true. After all, here’s no such thing as free, right? Wrong. There’s free lunch from Chick-fil-A, but even more importantly, there’s free grace from God for those who are willing to accept it.

Ephesians 2:1-10 (The Message)

“It wasn't so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn't know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It's a wonder God didn't lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah.

Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It's God's gift from start to finish! We don't play the major role. If we did, we'd probably go around bragging that we'd done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.”

Free Chick-Fil-A this Friday

This Friday (June 10) Chick-Fil-A is giving out a free combo meal to anyone who comes to their restaurant dressed-up like a cow. Yes a cow. You can even print off a "cow costume kit" at their website. See http://www.cowappreciationday.com/ for more details.

Unwanted Company

Last night I woke up to the sensation of something crawling up and down my leg. At first I thought I was dreaming about an ice cube. Then I realized the ice cube had prickly antennas. Suddenly wide awake, I screamed and flailed the blankets off the bed.

Nate, typically a sound sleeper, woke up by my scream. In his semi-conscience state, he concluded that I was being attacked by a demon. Without warning, he lunged across the bed in a full-fledged tackle and, with one hand raised in the air, began proclaiming the blood of Jesus over our house.

Alarmed by my baptist-turned-charismatic husband, I fumbled for the lamp. The light revealed a 2-inch-long cockroach cowering on the floor, looking almost as scared as I was. Three war cries and four towel-swats later, my brave husband destroyed the critter, leaving roach arms, legs, and wings strewn across the floor.

Meanwhile, we must have awoken our upstairs neighbors. They began pacing nervously on the wood floor above us, probably wondering if they should call the cops...

Life is never dull in our apartment. Maybe I should stop praying so hard that God would start preparing us now for life overseas…

Our Daily Grapefruit

In January Nate and I hiked a remote trail, praying we’d find some wild Floridian grapefruit. We should have been more specific about the location of the fruit. Eleven miles into our hike—at the exact distance that we had planned to turn around—we stumbled upon the biggest cluster of grapefruit I have ever seen.

Most normal people would probably have left the fruit alone rather than carry it back for an additional four hours, but did this stop us? Of course not.

With the dignity of caffeinated junior high boys, we kicked, yelled, and karate chopped our way through the marsh-surrounded tree. First, Nate climbed the tree and shook its branches violently until most of the fruit fell to the ground. Then we hurled softball-sized rocks at the remaining rebels. By the time the battle was over, my head was covered with a thick layer or dirt, bugs, tree limb fragments, and fruit indentations. Nate looked as if he had been attacked by a bobcat.

Nevertheless we were pleased with the outcome—one backpack, one knapsack, and three plastic grocery bags brimming with delicious grapefruit.

Ignorantly undaunted by the distance between us and the car, we set off power-walking towards home. One mile into the trip, the plastic bag I was carrying began to rip under the weight of the fruit. Reflecting on God’s goodness in giving the grapefruit, I prayed that God would provide another bag for us to transport it all home. Minutes later, we found a Wal-Mart bag lying in the middle of the deserted trail. Another provision from God.

At this point, we apparently became greedy. When we saw ANOTHER wild citrus grove off the path, we laid down our bags and went to get more goods. We returned with an additional 20 pounds of oranges, 2-dozen new scratches, and 30 minutes less of daylight.
Not having anywhere else to put our new acquisitions, we began stuffing oranges in every conceivable inch of our bags, coats, knapsacks, and pockets.

In case you don’t know how heavy 50 pounds is, imagine this scenario. Walk 11 miles to the grocery, buy SEVENTEEN of those 3-pounnd bags of grapefruit. Load them into plastic bags, and then carry them 11 miles back to your house. Now imagine getting lost and having to walk an extra two miles in the dark because your mistake.

That’s what we do for fun around here. But despite our self-inflicted woes, we made it back to the car with all our limbs and most of our toenails in place.

Next, we needed to figure out what to do with 50 pounds of citrus. We tried giving them away, but all our friends seemed to have stockpiled store-bought fruit. We also tried an assortment of recipes (including grapefruit pie), but these didn’t go over too well.

So if anyone needs some grapefruit, let us know. I look forward to the day when I can see the bottom of my fridge.

Ivy